Good Morning, Afternoon, or Evening.........

My name is Darlene Crowley and I'd like to thank you all again for taking the time out of your busy schedules. First, I'd like to say, "I'm a proud member of Gilda's Club", Iand I'd like to share my story with you, in hopes of opening your hearts, minds, and souls, to an unlocked empathetic perspective of Cancer patients like myself who are still here striving to LIVE, as well as those of us who have moved on to their place of rest.

At the young age of 24, I was faced with the decision of a complete hysterectomy due to fibroid tumors gone really bad. It began with a routine fibroid tumor removal via laproscopy. And ended with one of the fibroid dark brown in color, considerably large in size, smooshing in the doctor's hand during the procedure. After sending a sample of the tumor to the Mayo Clinic, approximately 3 weeks later, I was undergoing the complete hysterectomy, due to a rare cancer called Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma. In fact, it was so rare at my time of diagnosis that only 5% of the world's women would ever get it.

Being a naive young lady at the time, I just knew the worst part was over. No excruciating, knee-buckling pains to withstand anymore, but I found out 3 years later that I had yet to realize my true threshold of pain. 1997 subsequently rekindled my cancering journey that came along with such luggage as: coughing up blood clots, seemingly never ending chest pains, 4 hip surgeries that resulted in both hips being totally replaced, the pills, oh my goodness! the pills, weekly pro-times (testing for blood clotting) due to Pulmonary Emboli, a rare arthritis in my neck, 100% of both my lungs being smothered with this rare cancer, as well as Emphysema, and a bout with Pneumonia that landed me in the hospice unit for practically 3 weeks.

In fact, the hospice stay was a surreal experience within itself! Most patients were in a coma, except myself and one other, Mary, who couldn't respond very much. I'd go to each patients' room to visit with them, and I'd pray either for, or with them, depending on if the family was there at the time. In fact, there was one family (Another and daughter) who I'd gotten particularly close with. And though the matriarch of their family was physically unaware of our presence, we'd get together in her room at times and they'd share old stories and photographs. One particular memory of how she loved to dress in bright/vibrant colors wherever she'd travel was their favorite, and we laughed and cried about how "Bright Colors" had become her own landmark.

One day I was feeling a little worst than normal, so I decided to go to the Matriarch's room with camera in hand. Upon the daughter's approval, I began a photo shoot! We placed their Matriarch's favorite bright orange shall around her, a few stuffed animals she loved, and we chose to grab moments of happiness throughout this time of pain. And you know, you could feel the peace in the air, the more photos we shot. After the shoot, the two thanked me and vice versa, I went back to my room and everything I felt before was now a memory. The Matriarch passed away not many days after.

You see, before all of this, I asked God if He would use me, as a vessel for His purpose, but I didn't necessarily ask Him to use me in good health, I just asked to be used. An I'm not one to believe in coincidences. I continued visiting and praying with the patient's families, along with sharing special canine moments with my 3 1/2 pound Chihuahua, Divine, that both the caring staff of Columbia/St.Mary's Hospice Unit and families all adopted in love. Yet as the weeks went my, one by one, the families I'd gotten to know were losing their loved ones. And as the third week of my own stay was coming fast, I was told I could go home. Every patient on that unit had passed away except myself and one other, Mary. After being home, I continued to visit Mary, and call to see about her progress. Mary passed away approximately two weeks after my departure.

But you know, if given the option of this particular path again, I must be honest and say that I wouldn't necessarily resist it. Because, despite all the negatives that I just listed, there are true positives to balance the scales. Which brings me to Gilda's Club.

The summer after my hospice stay I was invited to a cancer educational forum held by the Sankofa Project, coordinated by Ms. Shauna Williams with the American Cancer Society. I was truly inspired on this beautiful afternoon. As an artist and public speaker in my own right, the processing of my aspired dreams and goals, of publicly reaching the masses through my gifts, in bringing community awareness, had begun the moment Ms. Susan Mingesz (Program Director of Southeastern Wisconsin Gilda's Club) placed her hand on my shoulder in greeting, asking if I was familiar with Gilda's Club. And in a room of at least 300 people our souls, and our energies were introduced, Namaste!

Soon I became a member and have been with Gilda's for 1 1/2 ears now. Gilda's has become a safe haven for me. There were times in the beginning when I'd hardly have the energy to function at all. It would almost be time for our Tuesday morning Wellness Group, I'd be weak as ever, fatigued from the previous day's art classes, and my heart would be calling for the comfort that Gilda's bring.

I'd visualize the bright smiles from Tink and Anne, those seasoned words of sincerity spoken from Kurt, along with all the hugs from everyone upon entering the door, that metaphorically becomes your first cup of coffee in the morning. These faces, these thoughts, became my incentive to make my way to the love house. Eventually over time as I participated in such activities as the potlucks, drawing class, and simple socializing, I noticed that I was becoming stronger. It was these small things that gave me more drive to Live! In fact, my drive became so much stronger that I was able, to not only participate in this past August's Annual Woof N Hoof, but Divine and I actually completed our 1 mile goal in approximately 2 hours time. So I can humbly say that I see the difference that the club had made in my life.

I've received true friendships that you could hardly imagine ending............yet the reality of our reason for being at Gilda's ring clearly when we are lighting a candle in memory, and facing the loss of one of our loved ones, yet again. I've learned from the members of my wellness group, what it means to give that never tiring support, who all amazingly made the days easier, during those stress moments of my first home buying process. And, one of my group members, Connie, even set up a meeting with an established local artist to help me with ideas for my artistic career. And I say career because, even though I've been given a short life sentence (Terminal), I insist, and am determined, to explore my talents, open my own art gallery and continue speaking to groups, (who would like me to speak) and anyone else who's open to hearing/seeing the blessings of God first hand! I shall continue on until God says differently! We share it all in each other at Gilda's. I even discovered this summer, after meeting and talking with her, that I also share Gilda's love with my biggest musical idol Ms. Patti Labelle. Upon mentioning Gilda's Club to Ms. Labelle she happily shared with me that she'd done a show for another one of our Gilda's Clubs about 3 years back. Can you imagine the joy, yet camaraderie that I felt with her??

And so, despite what's going on with me, I keep my faith going strong. And I'm extremely proud to see my purpose unfolding before my very eyes. I mean if I can have one disease that disrupts my inhaling, and another that disrupts my exhaling...........................And God still gives me the capability of reaching out to you, well I can't imagine not counting my blessings everyday. Again, I thank you all for your time.

God Bless You All!

Darlene "The Poetographer"